My life is currently a vortex of adult responsibility. And email. GOSH, I hate email. Remember when we used to get excited to get emails? My little 14-year-old heart would beat faster when I saw not one, but THREE new emails. I’d get especially excited if they were non-chain emails. Kids, ask your parents. I’m past those days, but last week, lightning struck: I received an email that I was eagerly anticipating. It was from CASA of Bell & Coryell counties. We’re going to back up for a sec, so bear with me.

One of the many, many “hats” I wear at work is a that of member of the Chamber Commerce. Okay, I don’t have to wear hats, but I usually do have to wear heels (which I like) and dressy clothes (which I loathe). We had a ribbon cutting ceremony at CASA in Belton, Texas. I’d been curious about the organization and arrived early to speak with the staff about their program.

CASA is a program started by a Seattle judge in the 1970’s. He recognized that when judges face cases involving abused and neglected children, they often don’t have the details they need to make the most informed decisions. He began to recruit members of the community to help him make decisions that are best for the child. He created a program that provided training for those volunteers and dubbed them “Court Appointed Special Advocates.” The role of a CASA volunteer is to be the voice for the child’s rights to safety in placement, permanence in family life & a loving home. They are the child’s voice in a very tumultuous system that can favor expedience over personal experience. We all know that social workers are overworked and the turnover in that industry is at record highs. CASA volunteers step in to fill in the gaps in communication and information so that (hopefully) the child’s journey to a safe and permanent home is as expedient as possible.

Okay, back to the email. Between ribbon cuttings and cake servings, I spoke with the recruiter at CASA about the training program. I noticed on their calendar that there was an expedited track and asked about it. The classes were scheduled in evenings/weekends with the busy professional in mind. I was told that this was a “career-only” track for people already in the field. I’m not a social worker, counselor, etc, so it didn’t sound like I’d be a fit. I explained my experiences working with group homes in the state of Missouri and she told me that I was welcome to apply and that they would at least look through my credentials.

I got in. Ya’ll, I got in. 6 weeks. Lots of studying and I’ll be sworn in by a judge in late October. Then, the real work begins. But, my foot is in the door. If I hadn’t gotten in, I probably could have done the normal course, but as my sister says, I am the “most impatient person in the world.”

Programs

Now, for YOU. There are many who recognize the plight of the abused in neglected in their cities, but do not have the resources or the desire to foster. There are CASA programs all over the United States, so I’m posting their link so that you can look within your own region. Just click the blue “programs” link above this paragraph. My hometown of Amarillo, Texas has a CASA, as well as my old stomping grounds in Kansas City. Whoever you are, if you want to help, but feel that fostering may not be “the” thing, please look into THIS thing. We talk about the “broken system,” but CASA volunteers provide stability to children who are uprooted, terrified and quite frequently voiceless. If you think that you live outside this issue, talk to anyone you know who is a teacher, a nurse, a doctor, a counselor. There is an outcry in our nation coming from the abused and neglected. Your children go to school with them. You see them at Wal-Mart and in your churches and public pools. They are touching your lives and need you to reach back. You’ll see their wide & questioning eyes if you will look up from your comfortable life.

Thanks for listening.

M.

YOU GUYS.

I start my very first class tomorrow. I’ve been doing my proverbial homework, but it’s mostly been reading books on trauma and neuroscience while walking on treadmills. This is a real life “pass-this-and-you-are-that-much-closer-to-having-the-DPS-seal-of-approval” class. Confession?

I’ve always been a sub par student. I procrastinate (yes, this is a theme that we will frequently revisit) and cram. As an adult, I’ve always suspected that I had some sort of learning disability as a child, because I remember moments of frustration and tears when I’d read something over and over and still couldn’t understand it. I’ve never been a fast learner. When most people attempt to explain something I don’t understand, my brain doesn’t assimilate the information like other people. I usually feel stupid. And angry because I know that I’m smart, but I just can’t re-arrange the puzzle pieces in my head to see things as others do.

I’ve always been best at things that didn’t require charts, memorization and flash cards. I’m extremely intuitive and, other than Jesus, that’s the best thing I have going for me as a future teen foster parent. I’ll tell my story in “bites” as we go on, but I’ve been through sooooome “stuff.” Jerry Springer wouldn’t believe my life story. However, I hesitate to use the word “suffering” in light of the atrocities that children in the system endure daily, hourly and every second.

If you are interested in foster care or adoption, you need this book.

Today’s chapter dealt with behavioral defenses and the underlying trauma. Karyn points out that, instead of pushing damaged kids away because their “bad behavior” scares us, we should respect them deeply. The “fight or flight” that we see is the residue of nightmares. It’s a symptom of the loneliness, isolation, hunger and abuse. It’s a reminder that this tiny creature in front of us survived. We bestow honor on what others have dishonored just like the Creator bestows dignity on those who are despised and forsaken. Going into these classes, I do not feel like a hero. I feel deeply conflicted about the parts of my own heart that look at “bad behaviors” and see a bad person. I think of the men, women and teens I see every day whose behaviors scream “trauma” and how little respect I feel when they begin to demonstrate “acting out” in all it’s glory.

If man really is fashioned, more than anything else, in the image of God, then clearly it follows that there is nothing on earth so near to God as a human being. The conclusion is inescapable, that to be in the presence of even the meanest, lowest, most repulsive specimen of humanity of the world is still to be closer to God than when looking up into a starry sky or at a beautiful sunset.  -Mike Mason

I don’t think that we intentionally discount people, but this trend of humans (wrongly) deciding what is valuable to God is age-old. At some point, we who claim to know God must align with the things He says and what He sees. I’m not “there.” I’m not almost there. But I’m certainly on my way.

Signing Off,

M

I haven’t been on here for a while, and there are a few reasons. The past two months have been a long “silence” of sorts. I’ve learned in my years that some silences are necessary and some are self-inflicted.

1: Some genius put my laptop in an unsecured compartment of my trunk and damaged the screen

2. There have been a lot of decisions just WAITING to pounce

p.s. did I ever mention that I’m a genius?

a little ’bout me: once a decision has been made, I’m great. However, when there are many choices and options and “to-do’s,” I tend to freeze

overthink. halt. distract. excuse. make. no decisions.

There are really great advantages to being analytical. The downside is that you can think and think and overthink yourself out of any real decision-making. I know this about myself and have developed a system to force me-self into action:

When you have paralyzed yourself with options, “what if’s” and potential outcomes, you must automatically choose the last option that felt wise, safe and logical.

I get it if you aren’t ready to buy any self-help books from me yet, but it works. Once my initial meeting with Foster Love in Belton, I reached out to over a dozen child-placement agencies. I heard back from so many.

Dear Ms. Nelson,

Thank you for your interest. Please come to this informational meeting at such and such date. Please fill out this form. Please call me back. Please be available at this time. And that time. And here. And there. And everywhere.

SEE?!? Options. Too many options.

Sometimes my genius contributes to the demise of a beloved laptop screen. Sometimes it solves problems. I went back to the last conversation with an agency that felt like “home.”

Let’s skip back a few weeks. I had a phone meeting with Bright Future Children and Family Services. When I spoke with them, the agent said something that “stuck” with me.

During this process, you are going to have a lot thrown at you. Whether or not you decide to work with us, if at any point you are dealing with an agency that forgets that YOU are the one doing the hard work, you need to walk away. If you are dealing with someone who pretends, even for a second, that YOU are not the driver of this bus, you need to walk away. The agency should exist to support you and the child. If they ever make it about themselves and what is convenient for them, you need to run. This is about you. This is about the child.

In the midst of my indecision, I realized that most of the pressure I felt had more to do with the agencies’ expectations vs my own doing. They had schedules. They had templates. They had meetings. They needed me to do this. By this date. And this. And this.

So, today, I walked into Bright Future Children and Family services a single female and walked away a “new parent.” I have lots of paperwork to fill out and a lot of studying to do.

But, the point is….

I started.

Step #1 was figuring out whaaaat the heck I’m doing. I set an appointment with Foster Love in Belton, Texas. They are a non-profit that exists to support foster parents and those in the system. I am so thankful for them and all of the information I received in our brief meeting. Phew* I was able to set up a meeting between conference calls and interviews at work. We went through the basics. Here’s what I learned. There are 2 licensing options (in Texas):

-CPS

-Private

Alternately, I learned that there are different “tiers” to foster care. Please note that I’ve taken some creative license with the titles to break down the categories:

1. Basic or “Traditional:” these are children considered pretty “normal” by the system. Little to no obvious behaviors tied to trauma
2. Specialized: children with “mild” higher needs: this could be a learning disability like dyslexia, ADD, ADHD, etc. Basically kids that are “mostly normal” but with higher needs for attention and care

3. Therapeutic: children who are coming from a hard place, such as neglect, abuse, traumatic family situations. Typically these kids can display overwhelming behaviors that point to their experiences (P.S. this is the part where I started crying hysterically on the phone). These children are the “least wanted” of the system.

4. Foster care for children with medical disabilities that require regular care

Ironically, Child Protective Services only licenses for “basic” placements, which means that there’s a huge need for foster parents to intervene on the behalf of the medically disabled. This need also applies to children with intermediate disabilities and overwhelming behaviors. So, the next step for me is to fine an agency. I’ve emailed every major agency in the East Texas region for an Orientation meeting (gulp*). I’ll let ya’ll know where I land. I should start meeting with them next week to make a decision. My goal is to be a Therapeutic Foster Parent (double gulp*), which means that I’ll have to go through a private agency.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton